Last weekend was the celebration of life for my dad’s friend. They played basketball and softball together, went on basketball scouting trips, and even on a family vacation to Sea World.
But this friendship is forever cemented in my memory because of the countless summer picnics in our backyard. Every weekend, several couples gathered with their kids. To this day, I can’t look at my mom’s backyard without seeing a baseball diamond and the elusive home run over the barn.
My dad’s name is Joe, just like his friend who passed away. I imagine that makes it harder somehow. As my parents get older, I see how the death of friends and family hits them differently. This one hit me a little differently too. One generation apart. But all the same childhood memories. So, I made the trip home to celebrate his life.
Closing the Gap
I believe trips like this, even on sad occasions, help close the gap created by miles, months, and generations. Over the years, we celebrated a lot of picnics, weddings, babies, and anniversaries.
But last week, I was reminded of how life can still get in the way. It increases the span of time until we see each other again. And if we’re not careful, years go by in the blink of an eye. Which made the decision to drive 200 miles for the event an easy one.
For me, the week at home completely filled my cup. My mom and I went through old photos and organized them. I saw high school friends and we all agreed too much time had passed.
And once again, it got me thinking about how we spend our time of mourning. One of my cousins once described it as a “week-long progressive dinner with a few sermons sprinkled in between.” Such an apt description for a time filled with family, faith, and food.
“I wonder why we wait for times of mourning to slow down, enjoy friendship, and great conversation? Why only then and not before?”
There are good reasons I’m sure.
Yet when someone passes away, we take extended time off from work and school. We gather together, over food.
Each time wondering, why did we wait?
Here’s My Theory
I think it’s a gift to us from those who passed away. A gift to everyone left behind. I think last week was a gift from Joe. The gift of time to mourn, as they leave this earth.
It’s the only gift they can give.
They give us the gift of time not just to say goodbye to them but to say hello to each other again. To be reminded of how important family is. Reminded of the love that is still here. Being together, I believe we showed love to Joe’s wife, daughters, son, and grandkids.
At a time when they need it most.
A gift we all need….time to mourn.
So so true. Your anniversary always reminds me of us closing on our house. Happy times. On the 25th, the anniversary of his death. May is a confusing time for me
Amy, that was so beautifully and thoughtfully written! Thank you! And thank you for being a part of our celebration. You’re right, life does get in the way and too much time passes, but reconnecting with friends and shared memories can make it seem that time, for awhile at least, has stood still.
Thanks for your kind words. I feel as though we could have talked all night. So grateful for the time to see everyone and share some amazing memories. Thinking of you and the family often.